spring retreat

A couple of weeks ago we went on our YAV spring retreat. We packed up the mini-van and ventured out into the middle of nowhere Mississippi for a weekend of discerning, relaxing, playing, and of course eating.

I had a blast hanging out with my fellow YAVs--boating, hiking, biking, swimming, pool, and lots of laughing!

The discernment part of the weekend was really helpful. I didn't have any huge revelations about life and I certainly didn't come to any clear conclusions about what to do next. I did learn a lot about my work preferences and skills and how those correlate with my personality type.

Janet, a career counselor/spiritual director from Nashville joined us for our weekend. She offered a lot of valuable resources to us. On of the tests we took was the Strong Interest Inventory. My top five interests (according to the test) are: education, helping and counseling, religion and spirituality, politics and public speaking, and medicine. I would say it was pretty much spot on! According to the test I am not called to be an accountant. I already knew that.

It was a great weekend and I was reminded, once again, how great our God is!

discernment

Back in March, I was visiting a teenage boy in the hospital and I asked him if he had been watching the basketball tournament on tv. He responded, "Next time someone asks me that question, I am going to shove a basketball in their face." Apparently he is not a basketball fan. I laughed (on the inside) and changed the subject.

These days I can relate to my teenage friend. The question everyone asks is, "what is next for you?" The problem with this question is that I don't know the answer and thinking about it stresses me out!

Psalm 119 says "Thy word is a lamp unto my feet and a light unto my path." Earlier this year I -prayed that this light would be a little brighter--that my path would be illumined and I would be able to discern God's will for my life. What was I thinking?!? God has certainly illumined my path--with a flood light.

I have a lot of exciting possibilities for next year. They all include seminary in some capacity and they all have pros and cons. I am certain that no matter what I choose I will be following God's call. I suppose having too many options is better than having no options...but I still feel overwhelmed when I think about "what is next?"

Sorry to my devoted readers (aka my mom) for my leave of absence. I have not been too busy to blog--just unmotivated. To make up for it I am going to blog about my feelings...a rare occurrence =)

The past few weeks have been full of things worthy of a blog: lent, holy week, Easter, a trip to the beach, acceptance letters to schools, job interviews, food adventures, running woes, a visit from from my parents, work! So many wonderful, joyful things in my life--but I have not felt very joyful. I have been feeling tired. Tired of being broke, tired of discerning, tired of living in community, tired of everything! I know God was present, even in this time, but I wasn't feeling or experiencing God.

Yesterday afternoon I went for a run. After the run I felt energized. Today I still feel that energy and I am confident it will be with me in the morning (after my coffee). I am feeling God's presence and experiencing joy in God.

We all have storms and deserts in our lives. We often look back on them, learn from them and can see how God was working in our lives. But sometimes there seems to be no explanations, no lessons to be learned.

At the end of a Maundy Thursday service the Christ candle is often extinguished and then lit again because we know that the Crucifixion is not the end of the story. We know that Easter is coming. It is this same story, this same hope that allows us to get through these difficult times! We know our stories don't end in those storms and deserts because we have faith and hope in Christ.

The Story of Bottled Water

I few months ago I came across a Local Food Sunday School Curriculum published by a website called The Thoughtful Christian.

At the time I was struggling to make any commitment to changing my lifestyle because it felt overwhelming and in some ways hypocritical. The beginning of the curriculum addressed this issue and was very meaningful to me so I thought I would share.

"The complexity of these issues often feels overwhelming, and sometimes we are tempted to throw up our hands in despair and defeat. The problems are so big, so many so multifaceted. What is one person or one family to do in the face of such a massive and often opaque system?

Thanks be to God, there are many practical things we can do to attend to the sources of our food...it is important to acknowledge the sense of being overwhelmed. For the truth is we are enmeshed within the current system of food production, and we will almost inevitably be complicit in that system, no matter how much we want not to be. As Christians, then, it seems to me our first response, before we do anything, should be one of repentance, an acknowledgement that we have erred, that we will continue to err, and that we desperately need God's mercy. Only after confessing out complicity in the destructive systems by which we procure our food and receiving the assurance of pardon God offers us can we take action that flows not from debilitating guilt but from liberating grace."

I am not sure why the website I posted yesterday isn't linking. Here is the video:

The Story of Bottled Water

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One down, three to go

Week one of the 100 mile diet is complete! I can't say it has been easy and I can't say that I have done a great job of sticking to it. Just ask the boys that I live with--they have been watching me like a hawk! Overall I did well but sometimes I just needed a snack and I certainly am not about to turn down free food--even if it isn't local! So yes, I cheated. But being strict about the diet or depriving myself of food that I have a craving for is not what this is about. It is about being intentional about the food I buy and consume. It is about being aware of where my food comes from and how it tastes. It is about connecting with the local community and land.

The worst part of the diet is the cost. It is sad for two reasons. The first is that I ripped a hole in my favorite jeans and I can't afford to replace them this month because I am buying fresh fish. The second (and more important) reason is that fresh, sustainable, high quality food should not be a luxury. We need a food system that provides fresh, sustainable, high quality food to everyone--rich or poor.

In other news...

Today is World Water Day. An article in the Huffington Post states that "Nearly a billion people -- one-sixth of the world's population -- have no access to safe drinking water, 2.6 billion people lack adequate sanitation, and more than 3 million people die from water-related diseases each year. Forty-six percent of people on Earth do not have water piped to their homes, and much of the burden of collecting water falls to women -- women in developing countries walk an average of 3.7 miles to get water."

A billion people with no access to safe drinking water!?! I know I use more than my share of water and I admit that I am guilty of having bought a plastic bottle of water. Something else I suppose I should add to my list of things to be aware of and intentional about...ugh. A new article and video by Annie Leonard explores the ridiculous industry of bottled water. It is here if you are interested:

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/annie-leonard/the-story-of-bottled-wate_b_507942.html

trying to be a good steward

Last week I decided that I needed a new hobby. Running was fun but my body (my foot in particular) needs some time to recover. After much deliberation I choose eating to be my new hobby. More specifically I decided to try (for one month) a 100 mile diet. I figure I can replace the time I spent running with grocery shopping, cooking, and eating!

http://100milediet.org/why-eat-local

I went o the farmers market this weekend and officially started the diet on Monday. I had Louisiana strawberries for breakfast and for dinner made egg salad (with local spicy mayo). For lunch I went out to eat. Obviously going out for lunch does not fit into the diet but I had previously decided on two "cheats." One is coffee. I am simply not ready to give up my caffeine addiction. The second "cheat" is shared meals. I often meet with my mentor or a colleague over a meal and every Sunday my house has family dinner. This community element is too important to me to give up for even a month. Many "locavore" blogs talk about a 100 mile diet by the percentage of local foods consumed. I would guess about 80 to 90 percent of my diet the next month will be local.

Not only does this give me something to put time and energy into while my foot heals, it supports local economy and reduces my carbon foot print on the earth. The following animation is the best things I have found to explain the problems with out current food system. It is a little long and the animation is not stellar but the information is clear and concise. If you don't know much about the dangers of our food system I would recommend it!

(I deleted the video because I got tired of hearing the music every time I visit my blog...google "true cost of food" and you will find it)

Thanks to everyone who has supported me in my marathon endeavor the past several months. A special thanks to those in New Orleans that came out and cheered for me on the course--it made a huge difference! At the end of this long (and painful) journey, I have raised $2144 for the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society and finished 26.2 miles in 5:27:39. Hopefully I will be able to walk again soon =)

What would Jesus do?

It is a safe bet that if my blog layout changes I am procrastinating. Today I am putting off finishing my seminary application. Another means by which I procrastinate is to read blogs of friends and fellow YAVs. While reading a new friends blog I came across videos from a BBC show that I had to share!



We are reminded on Sundays that we should pray with the confidence of children. Perhaps we should consider asking questions with intensity, eagerness, and inhibition of children as well! While we laugh at the seemingly ridiculous questions of Ben and Karen, they address some serious theological questions and concerns that many Christians share. Why doesn't this all powerful God just fix all the bad and the suffering in the world? Why do we not have everything we think we need--like a sun that will shine forever! Why does God allow evil to exist? Why does Jesus put up with our nonsense--with our selfishness? Why did God send His only son to die for our sins?

As someone who is interested in ministry I also think this video is a reminder to be patient and willing to teach those that have questions. It is also a reminder to be prepared!

Here is one more clip from the show. There are more on youtube if you are interested.

The Amazing Race

"Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God."

I have two "races" to coming up in my life. I interpret "race" to be an event that challenges me--an event that requires endurance and strength. The first of my races is the Mardi Gras Marathon. I can't believe it is only a little more than a week away!

The other "race" is one that we are all participating in, the season of lent. It is a time of reflection and confessions, a time to refine our deliberate discipleship practices. If we are intentional and committed to this season it will be challenging. To take up our own crosses and follow Jesus will take discipline, strength, and endurance.

I am anxious about finishing the marathon. I wonder if I am really prepared and if I have the will power to run 26.2 miles. I already know how the journey to the cross ends. It ends with the death and resurrection of Jesus Christ our saviour, the promise of ever lasting life.

Mardi Gras

Here are some pictures from Mardi Gras Day. Enjoy!

The costumes are pretty outrageous...

So are the floats....

And the crowds!
My roomates are pretty outrageous too =)

I managed to snag a Zulu coconut.

Who Dat

It has been an interesting week here in New Orleans. I don't know whether to laugh at, be offended by, or join in the Saint's frenzy. At church on Sunday there were Go Saints signs at the front of the church--right next to the pulpit! Two weeks from now when we play in the super bowl I am not sure anyone will be at church. The streets of the city were silent last night as the Saints played and ruckus after the win. Even in our neighborhood, everyone was out in the street celebrating the victory.

I was in North Carolina in 2004 when the Panthers advanced to the super bowl and for the Tar Heel Championship in 2005. I went to several huge games in my two years at Ohio State. But--I have never seen anything like the party in New Orleans last night! I can not even imagine what the Super Bowl will bring. No doubt it will be a good time here in the Who Dat Nation.

God is here

I should be asleep. I went to bed but find myself unable to sleep because my mind is too busy. So, I thought I would put good use to my busy mind and write a post. Perhaps if the thoughts go down on paper (or the internet) I can get some sleep!

I am laying in bed wandering, with a heavy heart, why am I so fortunate while others are suffering so much? Why am I laying in my bed with a stable building under me and a roof over me head while people in Haiti lay trapped under collapsed buildings or tents? Why am I able to eat whenever and whatever I choose while some people, even children, are hungry? Why should I be here in New Orleans enjoying life so much while a friend from high school is saying goodbye to her baby girl? Where is God in all of this mess???

I know He is with me. I feel His presence and am comforted by it. He is in Haiti. He is wrapping His arms around those trapped in rubble--He is holding them tight. He is crying alongside the survivors--sharing their pain and suffering. He is smiling and welcoming those who have come home to Him.

God is certainly with that baby girl as she fights for her life. He brings her peace and comfort. He brings her so much love that all those around her can see His light shining through her. He is holding the hand of this girl's mother. Who better to hold hands with than a man who has seen His own child suffer so greatly? He is probably in awe of the internet prayer chain that has reached an untold amount of people since the time of diagnosis!

God is with those who are hungry, poor, and homeless--and those that aren't. God is everywhere! How else could we make it through the day, through the hard times, through the tragedies? How else could we ever get a good nights sleep?

the big picture

"Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand. And we rejoice in the hope of the glory of God. Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us."

Dear God,

Thankyou for all the opportunities for character development. Can I have a break now? I am tired.

Amen

It is amazing that in times of suffering we can praise God. It is even more amazing to be able to praise God for our sufferings--but how can we not? I know God is using my experiences and time here in New Orleans to help me grow and develop--God is preparing me to do His work in the world.
For those that do not already know, I have felt called to apply to a dual degree program in divinity and social work. Looking back over the past month or so I can see so many ways in which I am being prepared for this call. If you feel so called to read it, here is a link to my admissions essay which I submitted with my social work applications:
http://docs.google.com/Doc?docid=0AYjZG6qAij9pZGNkbnp4emhfNGdnamZ4bmZ4&hl=en

I have never used google docs before so let me know if the link doesn't work!

prayer

There are types of prayer that come easily to me--prayers of adoration, love, and thanks. I find the prayer of confession to be especially powerful and something I have really developed and appreciated over the past few months. When it comes to prayers of petition or intercession I begin to struggle...

There are two things that have weighed heavily on my mind for a few weeks. Deep down I feel like all I really need to do is pray--to give it up to God. But when I try the words do not come. I try to open a conversation with God but my mind immediately takes over. If I were to truly give it to God I would be losing control. Not only would I lose control but I would open myself up to God's will which may not be in line with my will.

It has taken a lot of discussion and many sleepless nights to get to a point where I can admit my struggle with prayer and to understand why it exists. I am glad to be at this point because it is only when we acknowledge our struggles and understand them that we can overcome them and grow.

You may wonder why I would share this--I certainly do! It is hard to share, but I do anyway because I value Christian community. I share because someone might read this and relate to it. It might make Christianity more real and accessible to someone. Many might read this and share advice--maybe they have been in this place before. I share because in times that I can not pray for myself I know others will and are praying for me.

Advent

I am having serious writers block this week! The issues running through my head lately just seem to huge to tackle in few paragraphs. So, while I sort out my mind you should watch this video.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eVqqj1v-ZBU

A Healing Presence

This morning I held a woman's hand as she cried. As she spoke of her troubles, losses, pains, and fears I held her hand.

To be a healing presence is humbling, transforming, and awe inspiring. To be a healing presence is a privilege, a blessing from God. For in these moments--in these opportunities for healing--we can know and feel God working through us.

Vocational discernment is an important element of my YAV year. The process is just beginning and I do not know what is next. I do know that I long to serve God by be a healing presence--in the lives of children and adults, in the life of the church, and the community.

day to day

When creating a blog post I feel a certain pressure to write something profound--to take a part of my day and turn it into a great story and life lesson. Today I thought it would be useful to simply make a list of what I have been doing the past few months. You all back home might enjoy knowing a little bit about what I am doing down here! But also, it is good for me to reflect on the sometimes hidden progress being made. So here it is!

Things I do at Metairie Ridge:

-teach Sunday school
-serve as liturgist on occasion

-sing in the choir

-work with the youth (we are getting ready for youth Sunday)

-a chapel service for the 3 and 4 year olds attending the preschool

-prepared an advent devotional book

-go to meetings

-go to more meetings

-plan family events like the corn maze and maybe some Christmas carolling

-slowly but surely clean out the youth room

In addition to these things (and probably some more I am not thinking of at the moment) I have started a new part time position at Ochsner's main campus (the hospital). I have the very official title of "Chaplain Assistant" and get to wear a badge and carry a pager. My role is to make an initial visit to all newly admitted patients (except for the Catholics--they have their own Chaplain). I have been doing a lot of shadowing and learning over the past few weeks. Today was my first day on my own. I think it will take a little time before I am comfortable but I think I did pretty well for my first day out.

In addition to work, I continue to train for the Mardi Gras marathon. I also spend time doing YAV things--we have a weekly meeting, family dinners on Sundays, meetings with mentors, and an upcoming retreat. In the midst of all this I also found time to go on vacation with my family--some pics are posted below.

Perspective

Before I leave the house for my long runs I let my roommates know where I am going to run and a timeline for when I will be home. This isn't because I am worried about my safety (although I probably should be) Rather, I am never confident that I will be able to finish the mileage. It gives me comfort to know that I can stop anywhere along the route and in a few hours my roommates will come find me, peel me off sidewalk, and carry me home =)

Last week I had an 8 mile run to complete--it was very difficult and the first time I had to walk some in order to finish. This Saturday I ran 10 miles without needing to walk. The difference was that this time I had already run the route (it was the same as the 8 but with an extra loop at the end) so I had some perspective of where I was in my mileage, I knew where the water stops were, and I knew where I would need some fuel.

I wish life was as clear and as easy as my 10 mile run! I long to be in familiar territory--to know where I was going, to know when I would get a break, and to know when I would need and get some help along the way. At the end of acts Paul tells the people in Rome that they are "Ever hearing but never understanding, ever seeing but never perceiving, and developing calloused hearts." Often times I am like the people of Rome. In theory I understand what Paul is saying and the warning he heeds. But right now it is hard for me to understand and know how God is at work in my life and even harder for me be open to His calling. I am thankful today for a patient God who is with me even when I am like the Romans, for a community of friends who understand what I am feeling, and for all the people willing to be there along our journey.

PS I have posted a new photo album on facebook. Here are a few highlights:

Community Day: working at Second Harvest Food Bank

Our first New Orleans parade

Dinner at the Dolfsma's house. My friend Paulus took this picture (he is 5)

Our second community day at the New Orleans Mission--learning about homelessness
At the Hornets game

Stewardship Season

This Sunday the pastor preached about stewardship. I have heard the message before and I am sure to hear it again--several more times this year and then several more times every stewardship season for the rest of my life! Eachtime I hear the message it is a little different--each year it has a new spin to it. As I listened to the sermon I couldn't help but wonder how much time pastors and commitment committees spend trying to invent new and convincing ways to ask church members to tithe. How much time is spent looking over the budget--making sure everything is distributed well and cost-efficient? More than anything I wondered why we don't take this sort of approach to all aspects of our Christian lives?

Imagine a church that consistently re-examined all aspects of their faith and community. We could have a "worship season" in which we asked ourselves if our worship is meaningful to the members, attractive to visitors, and centered on God. We could recruit teachers and train them and call it "nurture and growth season." The possibilites are endless! Imagine a church that never settled into a comfortable routine but instead was open to change as it's members change and the needs of the world change. What if the church regularly asked, "are we doing the best we can--for each other, for the community, for God?" What if we habitually examined and renewed our faith? I am not saying there is a constant need to reinvent the wheel.

I am not saying that change is always the answer. I am simply suggesting that individuals and the church could benefit from reflection, examination and creativity.

God's Call

I have felt challenged in many ways since moving to New Orleans. The past few weeks have been particularly difficult. I could tell you all about the things that are not going as planned--but it would be misleading because those things would give the impression that things aren't going well. Rather, things are just not going how I planned! Apparently my plan is not what God intended--maybe one day we will get on the same page. I still feel at peace with my decision to serve in New Orleans. I feel like God has called me to this place. So I thought I would share with you what I love about New Orleans and being a YAV.

Things that have kept me going this month:

-Until this weekend it was still 90 degrees outside. It cooled down some but I still don't need a coat

-Running for a cause. You should donate! http://pages.teamintraining.org/la/mardigra10/autley

-Free concerts at the park

-A friend at church who is also trying to figure out the path God is calling her to follow

-The idea that maybe God is calling me to Metairie Ridge simply to be an example of how young adults can work and dedicate themselves to the church (thanks Kathy!)

-Being able to play the piano whenever I want and exploring new worship music

-Learning to play the ukulele

-Talking about what it means to be a Presbyterian with an elderly woman as we waited in line for a flu shot

-Looking at Casey's church website and blog and seeing her dedication and passion for music ministries

-Pecan Praline Coffee

-Exploring my bible and learning how to back up my faith with scripture

-Starring at a candle in silence with my roommates--taking time to reflect, process, and pray