the big picture

"Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand. And we rejoice in the hope of the glory of God. Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us."

Dear God,

Thankyou for all the opportunities for character development. Can I have a break now? I am tired.

Amen

It is amazing that in times of suffering we can praise God. It is even more amazing to be able to praise God for our sufferings--but how can we not? I know God is using my experiences and time here in New Orleans to help me grow and develop--God is preparing me to do His work in the world.
For those that do not already know, I have felt called to apply to a dual degree program in divinity and social work. Looking back over the past month or so I can see so many ways in which I am being prepared for this call. If you feel so called to read it, here is a link to my admissions essay which I submitted with my social work applications:
http://docs.google.com/Doc?docid=0AYjZG6qAij9pZGNkbnp4emhfNGdnamZ4bmZ4&hl=en

I have never used google docs before so let me know if the link doesn't work!

prayer

There are types of prayer that come easily to me--prayers of adoration, love, and thanks. I find the prayer of confession to be especially powerful and something I have really developed and appreciated over the past few months. When it comes to prayers of petition or intercession I begin to struggle...

There are two things that have weighed heavily on my mind for a few weeks. Deep down I feel like all I really need to do is pray--to give it up to God. But when I try the words do not come. I try to open a conversation with God but my mind immediately takes over. If I were to truly give it to God I would be losing control. Not only would I lose control but I would open myself up to God's will which may not be in line with my will.

It has taken a lot of discussion and many sleepless nights to get to a point where I can admit my struggle with prayer and to understand why it exists. I am glad to be at this point because it is only when we acknowledge our struggles and understand them that we can overcome them and grow.

You may wonder why I would share this--I certainly do! It is hard to share, but I do anyway because I value Christian community. I share because someone might read this and relate to it. It might make Christianity more real and accessible to someone. Many might read this and share advice--maybe they have been in this place before. I share because in times that I can not pray for myself I know others will and are praying for me.

Advent

I am having serious writers block this week! The issues running through my head lately just seem to huge to tackle in few paragraphs. So, while I sort out my mind you should watch this video.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eVqqj1v-ZBU

A Healing Presence

This morning I held a woman's hand as she cried. As she spoke of her troubles, losses, pains, and fears I held her hand.

To be a healing presence is humbling, transforming, and awe inspiring. To be a healing presence is a privilege, a blessing from God. For in these moments--in these opportunities for healing--we can know and feel God working through us.

Vocational discernment is an important element of my YAV year. The process is just beginning and I do not know what is next. I do know that I long to serve God by be a healing presence--in the lives of children and adults, in the life of the church, and the community.

day to day

When creating a blog post I feel a certain pressure to write something profound--to take a part of my day and turn it into a great story and life lesson. Today I thought it would be useful to simply make a list of what I have been doing the past few months. You all back home might enjoy knowing a little bit about what I am doing down here! But also, it is good for me to reflect on the sometimes hidden progress being made. So here it is!

Things I do at Metairie Ridge:

-teach Sunday school
-serve as liturgist on occasion

-sing in the choir

-work with the youth (we are getting ready for youth Sunday)

-a chapel service for the 3 and 4 year olds attending the preschool

-prepared an advent devotional book

-go to meetings

-go to more meetings

-plan family events like the corn maze and maybe some Christmas carolling

-slowly but surely clean out the youth room

In addition to these things (and probably some more I am not thinking of at the moment) I have started a new part time position at Ochsner's main campus (the hospital). I have the very official title of "Chaplain Assistant" and get to wear a badge and carry a pager. My role is to make an initial visit to all newly admitted patients (except for the Catholics--they have their own Chaplain). I have been doing a lot of shadowing and learning over the past few weeks. Today was my first day on my own. I think it will take a little time before I am comfortable but I think I did pretty well for my first day out.

In addition to work, I continue to train for the Mardi Gras marathon. I also spend time doing YAV things--we have a weekly meeting, family dinners on Sundays, meetings with mentors, and an upcoming retreat. In the midst of all this I also found time to go on vacation with my family--some pics are posted below.

Perspective

Before I leave the house for my long runs I let my roommates know where I am going to run and a timeline for when I will be home. This isn't because I am worried about my safety (although I probably should be) Rather, I am never confident that I will be able to finish the mileage. It gives me comfort to know that I can stop anywhere along the route and in a few hours my roommates will come find me, peel me off sidewalk, and carry me home =)

Last week I had an 8 mile run to complete--it was very difficult and the first time I had to walk some in order to finish. This Saturday I ran 10 miles without needing to walk. The difference was that this time I had already run the route (it was the same as the 8 but with an extra loop at the end) so I had some perspective of where I was in my mileage, I knew where the water stops were, and I knew where I would need some fuel.

I wish life was as clear and as easy as my 10 mile run! I long to be in familiar territory--to know where I was going, to know when I would get a break, and to know when I would need and get some help along the way. At the end of acts Paul tells the people in Rome that they are "Ever hearing but never understanding, ever seeing but never perceiving, and developing calloused hearts." Often times I am like the people of Rome. In theory I understand what Paul is saying and the warning he heeds. But right now it is hard for me to understand and know how God is at work in my life and even harder for me be open to His calling. I am thankful today for a patient God who is with me even when I am like the Romans, for a community of friends who understand what I am feeling, and for all the people willing to be there along our journey.

PS I have posted a new photo album on facebook. Here are a few highlights:

Community Day: working at Second Harvest Food Bank

Our first New Orleans parade

Dinner at the Dolfsma's house. My friend Paulus took this picture (he is 5)

Our second community day at the New Orleans Mission--learning about homelessness
At the Hornets game

Stewardship Season

This Sunday the pastor preached about stewardship. I have heard the message before and I am sure to hear it again--several more times this year and then several more times every stewardship season for the rest of my life! Eachtime I hear the message it is a little different--each year it has a new spin to it. As I listened to the sermon I couldn't help but wonder how much time pastors and commitment committees spend trying to invent new and convincing ways to ask church members to tithe. How much time is spent looking over the budget--making sure everything is distributed well and cost-efficient? More than anything I wondered why we don't take this sort of approach to all aspects of our Christian lives?

Imagine a church that consistently re-examined all aspects of their faith and community. We could have a "worship season" in which we asked ourselves if our worship is meaningful to the members, attractive to visitors, and centered on God. We could recruit teachers and train them and call it "nurture and growth season." The possibilites are endless! Imagine a church that never settled into a comfortable routine but instead was open to change as it's members change and the needs of the world change. What if the church regularly asked, "are we doing the best we can--for each other, for the community, for God?" What if we habitually examined and renewed our faith? I am not saying there is a constant need to reinvent the wheel.

I am not saying that change is always the answer. I am simply suggesting that individuals and the church could benefit from reflection, examination and creativity.